I’m only a drop of water, nothing special – there’s untold billions of others exactly like me.

I thought I was born in an enormous lake miles away from here but the other drops told me I’d really been born in the sky and had probably fallen into the lake along with many other drops after falling on some land higher up, well that’s what they say anyway.

I was happy in the lake, it was peaceful and quiet most of the time but it did get a bit noisy when the motorboats started up and dragged some of us all over the place with their screws.

My mates often said they had seen some fish in the lake but I never saw any, mind you it was a big lake.

Like I say, I’d have been happy to stay in the lake but it wasn’t to be.

One night I was feeling tired so I dozed off and the wind or the gentle current must have taken me towards that great big pipe where the lake overflows from time to time and – just my luck – I ended up inside the pipe!

That’s when I first experienced darkness, it was frightening at first and I had no idea where I was going, all I knew was we were all going forward as many other drops behind us must have been pushing us along?

I don’t really know how long I spent in total darkness but I do recall when daylight returned and I found myself and many millions of others like me inside huge circular concrete tanks being buffeted around with air and jets of many other drops being pounded down on the water surface above me.

It seemed like we were all in a queue but there was nothing we could do about it. I soon found out what the queue was all about when they added some obnoxious white powder and we all had to pass through it – very slowly.

Yuk, I can still taste it!

I later found out it was used to give us all a damned good scrub to make sure we were carrying no diseases.

The cheek of it, I have always paid great attention to my personal purity!

Well after that humiliation we were taken into another huge concrete tank to settle down for a while. That didn’t last for long though, without even a ‘by your leave’ they dragged us all through much smaller pipes and the evil darkness returned once more.

I don’t know how long I spent in the darkness but it seemed like an age before I ended up back in daylight of sorts in a small black plastic tank inside some sort of building.

My mates told me I was lucky as some of the others would eventually end up in hot water?

Sometimes the small black tank would take a load of my mates down a pipe to do some kind of flushing work but I left the tank and ended up in darkness again inside a very tiny pipe moving forward very, very slowly – almost like a ‘constant trickle’ for want of a better term.

When daylight returned I fell out of the pipe and entered into a very nice body of water that also had loads of very large coloured fishes swimming around with the rest of us.

At first I thought it would be a wonderful place to spend some relaxation time but I was wrong.

I should have spotted it earlier as many of my mates soon began to get sick and then I also discovered I was heading exactly the same way.

Rumour has it that it’s the fish that are to blame; apparently they give off this horrible stuff that affects our health by getting inside us and taking away our purity. When we’ve taken in as much as we can, we then get heavy and keep falling downwards to the bottom of the tank.

All the life had been taken out of me, I honestly thought it was the end but really it was only just the beginning.

Next thing I knew I felt myself being drawn towards a grey plastic thing on the base alongside lots of other sick drops just like me and then into another pipe and total darkness again!

Nearly forgot to mention, but that pipe also had some smelly black bits travelling alongside us, they really were quite disgusting.

Just when I thought the end was about to come, there was a light above me and we were taken into a very small chamber when a nice voice kept endlessly repeating ‘Welcome to Eric’.

Eric?

Something appeared to be drawing us all forward along this very narrow and very shallow black box.

First we all had to pass quite freely through a dense jungle of black plastic strands which was not a problem for us drops but those strands thankfully would not allow any of that horrible black stuff to pass through so it remained trapped and we were finally free of it at last.

That’s when the horrors started for us drops, no sooner were we through some holes after the strands we were buffeted around like you would not believe!

I recall quite clearly that I entered through the top left hand holes but was instantly thrown to the base of the right hand side before being tugged forward through a narrow channel of water and being bounced off many very sharp surfaces all along the way.

I exited the channel at the base of the box expecting some kind of rest period only to get buffeted once again to find myself on the top left of the box before being dragged and bounced again through yet another bloody channel!

The other drops were just as helpless as I was as there was something at the end of the box still drawing us all forward.

It was an absolute nightmare; my mates told me we all had to pass through six of those channels and seven of the turbulence points before we were allowed to escape from the damned box.

I say box but it was more like a river if you ask me.

Then we all had to pass through the contraption that was dragging us all forward and then into another pipe where another voice repeated – ‘Thank you for visiting Eric and giving our surfaces some valuable food, you are all now pure again, you can now return to the Koi pond’.

And do you know what?

I was pure again – but not for very long. After a day or so I started feeling ‘heavy’ again when the very same thing happened.

I can’t recall how many times this Eric thing has cured me to date but I must admit I do like the roller coaster experience – I’ve also learned to live with the bruises.

I’ve also been talking to some of the more experienced drops in here and they say that when we make contact with all these rough surfaces, they are the things responsible for making us drops pure again.

Well maybe – but it sounds a bit far-fetched to me, between you and me I reckon they’ve had a ‘drop’ too much – get it, it’s a joke!

One thing is certain and you can take my word for it, it’s impossible to get to the end of the box without constantly getting bruised and battered with all these surfaces, trust me I’ve tried – and failed.

But it’s also nice to know I’m helping these coloured fish at the same time – must admit, the red and white ones are my favourites!

I suppose I really am a very lucky drop of water if the truth is known.

Rumour has it though that it’s not all sunshine and roses, apparently something stops the box periodically and if you’re unfortunate to find yourself in there at the time you’ve had it – seemingly nothing escapes the dreaded Whooosh – or so I’m told!

Nice to chat but I must go, I’m starting to sink again………………